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Well, it’s almost here. This year, I remembered about this event in time to decide to participate. In two days, I will begin this adventure of writing a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. The goal is to finally write the book I’ve been working on for six years (on and off, obviously). I have my outline of scenes, I have my one-line summary of where I’m trying to go with this idea and I think I’m ready to try this. It means writing 1667 words every day of the month. At the end of the month, you upload your manuscript to the website for a final word count which then labels you a winner or . . . not.
I’m nervous and excited about this. I have no idea how it will unfold, if 1667 words a day will take me three hours or one. I have no idea if I’ll feel energized by the challenge or drained. My worst fear is getting behind at the beginning and then feeling too defeated to continue. It almost seems like a blessing that John will be gone for the first 4 days of the month at a Texas wedding. It will give me a chance to totally focus.
I really want to finish the whole novel in November whether it’s 50,000 words or not – I’m not sure how easy it will be to gauge when to move to each next part of the story. It’s going to be interesting. Maybe someday I’ll post the whole thing in small increments. Actually that would be awful – I hate reading that much online. All that to say, I may post some things as I go but most likely you won’t hear from me for most of November.
This section of Courage and Calling has been making me think all week. Smith goes through Romans 12:6-8 to describe seven different roles that people embrace in response to the world’s brokenness. I’m just going to share some quotes from it:
1. “Some people are prophets (v.6). Prophets see the profound need for people to live in the truth they already know. Prophets call us to behavior that is congruent with our words.”
- I’ve never really thought of prophecy in this way . . . I always put in light of prophesying the future, but when I think about the OT prophets, this is what they did – call on people to awake up and return to what they know is true.
2. “Some are servants (v.7); it runs in their blood to be attentive to the practical needs around them. They tend to think that there is too much talk and not enough action.”
- I think this is where I bog down so quickly – you get told over and over again to “serve” and what does that actually look like? I think of the people that are so quick to volunteer and just feel so self-centered compared to them. While this doesn’t let me off the hook as far as being willing to serve in general, it does mean that I’m free to “serve” in a different way than what initially comes to mind.
3. “Still others are called to be teachers (v.7). What makes a person the kind of teacher Paul writes about is the conviction that the main problem in the world is that people lack understanding; if they could just understand, they would know and live the truth. Teachers believe that transformation can come through learning.”
4. “Others are inclined to think that the greatest problem in the world is the lack of hope; their fundamental orientation is one of encouragement (v.8) . . . they have a deep-felt conviction that encouragement is precisely what is required if our world is going to experience peace, justice and transformation. Some encouragers use words. Others recognize the significance of place, and know that the spaces in which we live and work can either undercut or enhance our courage and sense of well-being; they know how to design spaces of nurture, light and life.”
- I love this idea that encouragement is more than words, this is something I’ve never thought about before, but I know how much I love being in place that are peaceful and quiet and it does do something for my soul.
5. “There are yet others who are active ‘contributing to the needs of others’(v.8). These are usually those among us who recognize that without funding much that is important does not happen. Often they are people who know how to make money, but they are also people who know how to give generously. Without the generosity of those who have the means to give, our lives would be significantly impoverished.”
6.”Then there are those called to leadership (v.8). There is so much talk of leadership in our day that sometimes we think that everyone is called to leadership. But some people have a unique passion for enabling others through administration and management, so that organization flourish, and so that everyone else can fulfill their giftedness.”
7.”Finally, Paul speaks of those who are called to demonstrate mercy (v.8). While all of us are called to show mercy, some people deeply understand that those around them have a central need for someone to stand with them. They mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep. While others may wonder how this solves problems or brings resolution to the issues before us, people who are called to show mercy recognize the transforming power of empathetic identification. They know that the demonstration of mercy is itself life and strength to another person.”
Smith concludes this section of the book with this: “My point is that your vocation will in some fundamental way be aligned with how you see the brokenness of the world. It is imperative therefore that you respond according to your own perception of the world’s brokenness. It is equally imperative that you not judge others if they do not see or feel the brokenness of the world as you do.“
This is equally convicting and reassuring to me. There have already been plenty of times in my life that people have approached me with things they think I should do because it’s such a good cause. I’ve wondered sometimes why I don’t have the same passionate heart for the various causes, and now I understand that we can see the brokenness of the world differently. And convicting in that I have often wondered why people can’t see what I see. They were made differently, gifted differently and have a different role to fulfill in this world.
And the final question is – how do I see the brokenness of the world? I’m not sure yet.
“On Fire”
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you’ll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There’s more than what you’ve heard
There’s so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you’re on fire
When He’s near you
You’re on fire
When He speaks
You’re on fire
Burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be… (near You)
Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take
When I’m on fire
When You’re near me
I’m on fire
When You speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries…
I’m standing on the edge of me [x3]
I’m standing on the edge of everything I’ve never been before.
And i’ve been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I’m on fire
When You’re near me
I’m on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries… these mysteries… these mysteries
Ah you’re the mystery
You’re the mystery
-Switchfoot lyrics “On Fire”
Swordfighting: The Princess Bride
Car chase: The Man who knew too little, The Blues Brothers, What’s Up Doc and the Italian Job
Scenery of Europe: The Bourne Identity
Dance Sequence: The Breakfast Club
Dress: Eowyn in LOTR or The Princess Bride
Moment of Suspense: The Pelican Brief- where they get in the car in the parking garage and you know the bomb is waiting to go off as soon as he turns on the ignition.
Music: Sense and Sensibility, Lord of the Rings, Waking Ned Devine
Lighting: Tristan and Isolde
Color: Hero
Comedy: Relative Values
Romance: Pride and Prejudice (the BBC 1986 version)
Legal Thriller: Runaway Jury
German film: The Lives of Others
Fairy Tale: Ashenbrodel
Musical: Newsies
Art Film: 13 Conversations about 1 Thing
Churchill has so many great one-liners:
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
“The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.”
“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”
“Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.”
One of our family favourites growing up was,
“He’s a modest man, with much to be modest about.”
And some more serious ones:
“We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.”
“Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities . . . because it is the quality which guarantees all others.”
“Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all.“
I think the last one is my favourite right now. So many meetings and sermons are too wordy and that the words used are not properly defined, the phrases ambiguous or taken for granted. I know most of it is probably just my impatience with having my time wasted, but when language can be such a precise tool, I get frustrated with the vague and often aimless wandering that we think counts for “talking”.
made myself a pancake for breakfast (yes, just one)
played some online games of Carcassonne, and a few spider solitaire games
cleaned the bathroom (this is difficult – our tub requires ridiculous amounts of scrubbing that barely seem make a dent – it’s very demotivating)
did the laundry
kind of cleaned the kitchen (should have done way more here)
got to talk to my mom for an hour (YAY!)
read a few chapters of my book (Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter – not sure how I feel about it, it’s definitely weird)
and then suddenly realized that today was the day that the Edmonds Vision Center was having a “frames show” of some cool new designer glasses from Denmark and was offering discounts on them. I frantically threw on some decent clothes so that I could get down there before 2:30 when it ended. I think I managed to pick out new glasses! They have to be ordered in so I won’t be able to show John for a couple of weeks – they are a dark purple plastic which looks almost black and they have cool metal filigree type stuff on the sides. I was pretty nervous trying to decide on glasses without my dad since my super-cool-but-sadly-very-broken current ones were his choice and I have loved them and received millions of compliments on them.
I love downtown Edmonds. I wandered into Cole Gallery and really liked a set of paintings by Joshua Flint – you can see some images here. This one by Michael Orwick also caught my attention. So then I went to the Red Twig Bakery and cafe, ordered a scone and real iced tea since it was actually sunny and warm and wrote a short scene about that painting. I don’t think my story is really the story in the painting but that’s what I thought was so fascinating. You could probably pull 10 different stories out of it. For me, the paintings with a moment in a story are the best. No matter how technically brilliant a still life can be, I definitely gravitate to the ones that make you want to know more about the people in them.
The 10 minute drive down into Edmonds is also one of my favourite things. I turned on “Hallelujah” by David Crowder (John used it in his slideshow of Hilary and Phil’s wedding if you want to listen to it), because the radio always goes fuzzy on the way down into the Bowl. This song brings back vivid images of the green hills around San Fransisco along the highway. We listened to that song every morning in our mini-van on the way to the Habitat for Humanity work site and it always inspires me. The moment that the Sound becomes visible and suddenly mountains and ocean appear is breathtaking and I’m grateful for the 30 mph speed limit so that I can take in the view all the way down the hill without annoying the cars behind me.
Today I did what I should be doing every Saturday – cleaning first, going outside, enjoying a “treat” and actually writing. It made me really happy.
Here’s a quote that struck me in the introduction to this book Courage and Calling. I’m finally reading it after meaning to buy it for two years – ever since the author, Gordon Smith, spoke in one of my classes in fourth year. He gave an amazing talk about the importance and meaning of Sabbath. This book is about what it means to have a vocation and calling from God. For him there are three calls: 1. The general call to follow Jesus, 2. The specific call: your unique vocation – your mission in this world and 3. The immediate call which is the tasks and duties God calls you to at the present time.
About the last call, he writes this, “these may be the duties and responsibilities to which God calls me today. Not all of the immediate and legitimate needs that I face are necessarily my responsibility. I may be “overhearing” God’s call to another. The danger is always that these daily and immediate needs would crowd out our capacity to respond to our unique vocation.”
This resonated deeply with me. I feel like this is where most of us get stuck, in doing all these perfectly legitimate and even good things that, nevertheless, end up taking us away from our vocation. It’s easy to think back to BFA and my mom explaining to me that it’s important to say no to the things that we don’t feel called to do, because in a missionary community, it becomes so easy to be constantly busy serving the Lord, and to become guilty when we’re not, even thouh he may not be requiring any of it from us.
I think many of us do not understand what our vocation truly is and why it’s so important to pursue it. It also comes around again to the ideas I’m still currently wrestling with about how we each have a unique relationship with God, worship him differently, find him in different activities etc. This was in the introduction alone – I am so excited to keep reading this book.
Today the Croziers celebrated their third Canadian Thanksgiving in honour of their one Canadian family member: me! 
We had a great time, Kelsie’s parents came from Bellingham, Lani & Mikey joined us, the Davies grandparents attended as well as the Bowermans. It was a blast. You can visit this link to hear our amazing rendition of the Canadian anthem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvjRrpSPplg
All I can say is, there are never enough excuses to have a great feast with your family – I love these guys.
So . . . driving home tonight all the traffic lights looked like stars, I don’t think they normally look like that, with five or six rays coming off them . . . then I remember my pupils are totally dilated due to my eye doctor appointment earlier. He said I would be fine driving and I was, but all the lights sure had a lot of rays coming off them when they’re normally just round and contained. Is that normal?
I am getting more and more homesick, waiting for Christmas. 72 days until we arrive in the Basel airport to exit out the French side, not the Swiss side and get picked up by my parents. The last time I was home was Christmas 2006.
I think one of the things I miss most about living there is that, here, it is difficult to walk anywhere beautiful quickly. Sure you can walk around the neighbourhood or drive out to a park to go hiking, but at home, everyday you can walk and see such beauty.
When we still lived on Schwarzwald Strasse, we would walk down the hill and turn right every morning on our way to school. The beautifully restored brewery would be right in front of us and directly above it perched on the hill shrouded by evergreens and other trees sits the World War I and II monument. I remember stopping abruptly on several occasions to just take in the scene. Sometimes heavy mist barely outlined the monument and everything felt eerie and wild. In a 15 minute walk, I could be on the hill looking down over the back of it at the beautiful golf-course valley.
Everything is so close there, you can easily walk into woods or fields, hills or to the next village. Here it takes me 45 minutes to walk to the Edmonds Library and while it’s beautiful once I get down into the bowl, I have to walk beside a really busy street most of the way. The noise and the speed create a barrier to really absorbing the beauty around me. It’s hard to feel peaceful and that’s what I want when I walk. I want to be silent and let my mind simply be present in the place where I am. I can’t wait to go home.
Here’s a picture I’m stealing from my dad’s blog that makes me long to go home:
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